My life is not the mainstream picture of success. At the moment, I am a single mother on welfare (which I am totally trying to get off of). I have a horse and two dogs (who were all acquired before I went on welfare). I am a student. I have a full plate. I often feel like I am failing, because I am 23, have a child, and no money. But I am successful.
You see, mainstream society considers "successful" to be someone who has a house, a dog, a two car garage, can go on vacations a couple of times a year, and whose car has all the newest features. I do, too- don't get me wrong. And sometimes, I long to be so mainstream "successful."
I am successful, in matters of the heart, you see, and spiritually. I constantly seek a relationship with God, not perfectly by any means, but the effort says a lot. I am a successful mother, because I care about Kiley's welfare, and I do what I can to make sure she turns out okay. Sometimes, I am too tired to do what I think I should do for her, but amazingly, she keeps growing and developing. Isn't that the basic measure of success by how we measure ourselves- whether our children are being raised to leave the world better than they found it? Or, if we do not have children, if we personally are trying to do the same.
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I would love to live a life based on self- sustainability, to give back to the earth, rather than engaging in the consumerism that everyone seems to hate so much, but no one seems willing to change. That is not a knock on the way others choose to live, at least not an intentional one, it is only a explanation for why I would like to live that way. I cannot right now, however, as the apartment where I am living would not allow for it. What I mean by that is solar or wind energy, growing my own fruits and vegetables, raising my own meat, milk, and cheese. Anything I cannot grow, I would like to buy at Farmer's Markets. I don't know that I could make my own clothes, but I would probably shop for clothing locally. This moving to self- sustainability would certainly be a long process, and one I would have to research thoroughly.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
"You never let me do anything!"
I went into the living room to get on the computer and sat down with it. I called her name to make sure she was okay and she said, "You never let me do anything!" I laughed, heartily, and updated my status on Facebook about that. She was okay, and hilarious to top it off!
But there is a deeper meaning to that for me. Is it true? I don't think so. I am actually quite permissive with her. She is allowed to do basically anything, so long as we don't have somewhere to go immediately and is not hurting anyone.
However, it also made me think about the type of mother I would like to be for her in the future.
- Yes, I will be the mom who, when she gets home from school, will fix her a snack and then she will do homework, and will finish it before anything else.
- She will play outside, rather than sitting inside and watching TV.
- I will let her do some things she asks to do, and certain things she will have to provide a reason for- well thought out and truly logical. I want her to learn how to think critically. I think that is what so many people are missing these days- critical thinking.
- When she develops a passion for something, I will push her in it, but not too much. I don't want her to hate me, but I want her to learn to go for her dreams. Sometimes, you just need that extra shove.
- I want her to be able to talk to me, although at 16, I know that will be hard for her. She will talk to her friends instead. That's okay with me, so long as she picks good friends, rather than has bad influences.
- I will be the mother who, if she gets in trouble, will pull her out and put her in a more restrictive school, one that won't let her get away with as much. That was good for me.
- I will switch up my ideals, if she shows that she needs something different from me.
More than anything, I want to be an active leader for her. I want to be the mom who is so often missing these days.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
My second attempt to do college right
I have my bachelors already.
So why on EARTH would I want another one? Why would I not try to get my masters- or something of the sort? What am I thinking?
Well, here is the deal. I feel like my first attempt at college, I got off easy. I didn't really even hardly try, and I graduated with a 3.4842 Career GPA. Okay, so maybe right now I am tooting my own horn. This is entirely possible. But, it goes deeper than that.
To be honest, I have not had to try for MUCH in my life. I have been LAZY and people have thought I was working hard. I was BORED at Midway.
My major was Equine Business (you know, feed stores, tack stores, transportation companies, etc.), which, to be honest, seemed like kind of an afterthought. It was as if they looked at all of their classes and said, HEY! We could make a major out of this! Let's confuse the crap out of people, though, and NOT make any classes that combine the two.
Looking back, this would have been oh so easy. But, this could not be done- for whatever reason. I think that, partially, the equine staff was FAR overworked. I cannot blame them- but I do blame the administration whole heatedly.
Also, I realized my final semester- during my internship- that I never wanted anything whatsoever to do with sitting in an office staring at a computer screen. That future is not for me. It works beautifully for some people, and some people can tolerate it. Not me. I have to constantly be moving to be happy.
So, after spending the last year staring at a computer screen, wanting to break it by pounding my head into it, I decided to just go for it. Go back to school, do what I really WANT to do. So, I will graduate in May 2014 with a second bachelor's in Equine Business Management (Yes, different. This is actually hands on. Managing actual HORSES rather than inventory) and an associate in Equestrian Studies, emphasis in Western Riding. I doubt if I will go to graduation, I more just wanted the courses, to get a deeper view into the equine industry. I feel like I have begun to get that.
So, what am I going to do with my life?
What a loaded question!
1. I want to train a horse of some variety. Could be anything from reiners to dressage horses, perhaps pleasure horses or barrel racers. Heck, maybe I'll get back into jumping, or into endurance riding. I have several people who I could spend a few years working for, to learn the ropes. Maybe on the side I could get into equine transportation or something of the like. OR become a doula!
2. I am very passionate about natural child birth and breastfeeding. I do believe that both are the best options for baby, after thoroughly doing my research and seeing the results of doing it vs. not doing it. So, I figure, why not at some point, become a doula, and possibly eventually a midwife. Perhaps I could even do some lactation counseling as well.
3. Back to the horses! I would love to breed them one of these days. Probably, I would try to preserve GOOD quarter horses by doing this. I wouldn't do it so much to make money.
4. I would love to own a campground. It just seems so darn peaceful, that helping people enjoy themselves thing.
5. Back to the horses, once again. I would love to rescue horses- specifically, horses from the track- or any other under par type conditions. You know, the ones who might otherwise take a one- way ticket with the kill buyer.
6. And I would love to start a equine therapy program- preferably for drug and/or alcohol addicted youth- and I may not stop with youth! I believe that it would be beautiful to give back to the 12- step program that saved my life.
7. I want to write. I love it. There is something that is therapeutic and calming about it. Perhaps I would write novels, or maybe just pieces for equine and parenting magazines.
So....where on earth do I start?!?!?!?
Well, I am going back to college so that I can do what I did not the first time, to LEARN how to survive in my industry, what can make me indisposable.
People in my riding classes treat me like shit. Not the instructors- they are pretty cool. But basically everyone else is rude and condescending. Sometimes, I let it get me down, but for the most part, I am 23- and there to learn. Nothing else. So if you are in my riding class, are rude to me, and are reading this, know that. I am not there to impress you, and what I do is not your business. I am there to learn.
I do not take my ego with me around horses. I learned not to do that the hard way. I don't feel a need to run them into the ground to prove that I can. I am there to learn from world class instructors- and I do! Man, the freshman class at Findlay is ten times harder than the entire riding curriculum at Midway. I say that because it is the truth, not to hurt anyone's feelings. I LOVE it!
So, on I will go!
And I will leave the reader with this:
"And will you succeed?
You will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)"
~ Dr. Seuss
So why on EARTH would I want another one? Why would I not try to get my masters- or something of the sort? What am I thinking?
Well, here is the deal. I feel like my first attempt at college, I got off easy. I didn't really even hardly try, and I graduated with a 3.4842 Career GPA. Okay, so maybe right now I am tooting my own horn. This is entirely possible. But, it goes deeper than that.
To be honest, I have not had to try for MUCH in my life. I have been LAZY and people have thought I was working hard. I was BORED at Midway.
My major was Equine Business (you know, feed stores, tack stores, transportation companies, etc.), which, to be honest, seemed like kind of an afterthought. It was as if they looked at all of their classes and said, HEY! We could make a major out of this! Let's confuse the crap out of people, though, and NOT make any classes that combine the two.
Looking back, this would have been oh so easy. But, this could not be done- for whatever reason. I think that, partially, the equine staff was FAR overworked. I cannot blame them- but I do blame the administration whole heatedly.
Also, I realized my final semester- during my internship- that I never wanted anything whatsoever to do with sitting in an office staring at a computer screen. That future is not for me. It works beautifully for some people, and some people can tolerate it. Not me. I have to constantly be moving to be happy.
So, after spending the last year staring at a computer screen, wanting to break it by pounding my head into it, I decided to just go for it. Go back to school, do what I really WANT to do. So, I will graduate in May 2014 with a second bachelor's in Equine Business Management (Yes, different. This is actually hands on. Managing actual HORSES rather than inventory) and an associate in Equestrian Studies, emphasis in Western Riding. I doubt if I will go to graduation, I more just wanted the courses, to get a deeper view into the equine industry. I feel like I have begun to get that.
So, what am I going to do with my life?
What a loaded question!
1. I want to train a horse of some variety. Could be anything from reiners to dressage horses, perhaps pleasure horses or barrel racers. Heck, maybe I'll get back into jumping, or into endurance riding. I have several people who I could spend a few years working for, to learn the ropes. Maybe on the side I could get into equine transportation or something of the like. OR become a doula!
2. I am very passionate about natural child birth and breastfeeding. I do believe that both are the best options for baby, after thoroughly doing my research and seeing the results of doing it vs. not doing it. So, I figure, why not at some point, become a doula, and possibly eventually a midwife. Perhaps I could even do some lactation counseling as well.
3. Back to the horses! I would love to breed them one of these days. Probably, I would try to preserve GOOD quarter horses by doing this. I wouldn't do it so much to make money.
4. I would love to own a campground. It just seems so darn peaceful, that helping people enjoy themselves thing.
5. Back to the horses, once again. I would love to rescue horses- specifically, horses from the track- or any other under par type conditions. You know, the ones who might otherwise take a one- way ticket with the kill buyer.
6. And I would love to start a equine therapy program- preferably for drug and/or alcohol addicted youth- and I may not stop with youth! I believe that it would be beautiful to give back to the 12- step program that saved my life.
7. I want to write. I love it. There is something that is therapeutic and calming about it. Perhaps I would write novels, or maybe just pieces for equine and parenting magazines.
So....where on earth do I start?!?!?!?
Well, I am going back to college so that I can do what I did not the first time, to LEARN how to survive in my industry, what can make me indisposable.
People in my riding classes treat me like shit. Not the instructors- they are pretty cool. But basically everyone else is rude and condescending. Sometimes, I let it get me down, but for the most part, I am 23- and there to learn. Nothing else. So if you are in my riding class, are rude to me, and are reading this, know that. I am not there to impress you, and what I do is not your business. I am there to learn.
I do not take my ego with me around horses. I learned not to do that the hard way. I don't feel a need to run them into the ground to prove that I can. I am there to learn from world class instructors- and I do! Man, the freshman class at Findlay is ten times harder than the entire riding curriculum at Midway. I say that because it is the truth, not to hurt anyone's feelings. I LOVE it!
So, on I will go!
And I will leave the reader with this:
"And will you succeed?
You will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)"
~ Dr. Seuss
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