There is something going around lately that really bothers me. There is a consensus that those of us who were able to breastfeed, who were able to cloth diaper, etc. are pretentious, that we "just don't understand" the plight of those who were unable, and thus, that we have not struggled.
Let me tell you a thing or two about the past 3.5 years.
When my child was born, her dad was a pill addict. I was under the impression that he was recovering. I was 21, and I hadn't the foggiest idea what that looked like. Not enough struggle for you?
When Kiley and I first started breastfeeding, she had an immensely shallow latch, and ripped off about half of my nipples. But I pushed through, because that was what was best for MY child. I didn't enjoy nursing until she was 7 weeks. You didn't push through? Wonderful. We all make our choices, but that doesn't mean you get to demonize ME because I made it work. I am going to celebrate that.
Ever had a 102* fever and a two week old, whose dad is off trailing drugs instead of being with us? I have. Mastitis is also QUITE painful for your breast. Yet I kept at it. And I won't apologize or keep that to myself so that YOU will feel better. Nope. I am quite proud of that fact.
Ever heard of cluster feeding? Kiley was a champion at that, and it made getting anything else done IMPOSSIBLE. But I kept at it, because it was what was best for MY child. She would eat for an hour or more at a time, multiple times a day. And I still nursed because I am a fucking badass.
Kiley didn't learn to walk until she was 15 months. When she started to walk, she dragged her left leg. She was fine, but her doctor had me totally freaked out. There is nothing scarier than believing something could be wrong with your child, that it could be something YOU did.
She has always been ahead mentally, and a little behind physically. I am the same way. I did attachment parenting with her, and I think this has a lot to do with it, and yes, I breastfed. MDs are doing studies all the time linking cognitive aptitude with having breastfed. Your child was formula fed and is soooo smart, too? Wonderful. It's like the warning about McDonald's. It raises your CHANCES for having a heart attack. It doesn't mean that you WILL have a heart attack when you eat there.
Also, I added formula at 6 months, and only nursed in the morning and night from 10 months on. Avid breastfeeders advised me NOT to do that over and over....But after 6 months, I couldn't get anything, other than, like, an ounce when I pumped.
I used cloth diapers, because economically and environmentally, they are SO much better. Also, would you like paper on YOUR butt all the time? Not me! Give me cloth anyday! And honestly, it wasn't a whole heck of a lot of work. It added, like, 10 minutes of work per day. I can sacrifice 10 minutes per day.
I also had a natural childbirth- i.e. no pain meds. I was also on pitocin, because, well, I'm a badass. Again, not going to apologize. The research I did told me that was best for MY child, minus the pitocin, but that's a whole other story entirely.
Also, her birth father? Tells me the fact that I have received less and less child support less frequently is "not his problem" and that I "have her calling another guy, dad" and that she didn't really know who he is, so he doesn't need to call her. Then, she asked me if it was him every time the phone rang for 2 months at just over 2 years old. Yeah, my heart broke!
I don't think I am MORE of a mother, or a woman, for doing these things, but these things sure as hell add to that. I try to do what is best for my child at every turn. THAT is what makes me a mother. Your story is different? Wonderful. That adds to the spice of life, and we need that. Just don't demonize me, or tell me that I don't understand. I will never understand your particular struggle, but I sure as shit understand struggle involved in modern parenting.
If you insist on putting us in different categories, do it. Fine. I don't need the negativity, but I do need support. I'll just find it elsewhere. I don't have time to convince anyone. This is purely to vent.
